


all the promises at sundown

by entropyangel



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: F/M, Kidnapping, Love, PTSD, Smut, TLOU, TLOU2, Torture, Violence, Xen working past her temper and forgiving (eventually), eventual Abby redemption, happy ending because i can’t kill joel, i actually liked the canon ending though, joel and xen are messy as hell, joel miller, the last of us 2, unestablished relationship, video games - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:14:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26456224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/entropyangel/pseuds/entropyangel
Summary: all the promises at sundown,i meant them like the rest.all the demons used to come around,i’m grateful now they’ve left.second part to “what have i become, my sweetest friend?”
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Joel (The Last of Us)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	1. it was for the best, though it never felt right

ONE YEAR LATER, 2034

"I don't know what happened."

His voice crackles like static, decrepit and almost warm. Calloused fingers polish the neck of his six string. "I was supposed to take 'em to the Fireflies and...walk away." His movements seize and he looks up from his guitar, eyes twinkling with someone oddly benign as he remembers everything that happened.

The two people that violently interrupted his life and saved it.

“You go halfway across the country with someone..." his voice trails off. He doesn't finish. He thinks Tommy understands what he's getting at. "They needed their immunity to mean somethin'. Maybe I was starting to buy into that whole cure business...or maybe I just wanted to do right by them."

He smiles barely. "And then we made it."

"We found the Fireflies. And because of them, they were actually gonna make a cure." He returns to polishing his guitar absentmindedly with a rag, his touch harsher. "The only catch...it would kill them." His eyes shut. It's still an unthinkable conclusion, to imagine his life without them. He doesn't want to imagine.

Tommy gazes at him, mouth slightly ajar. "Jesus Christ, Joel." He purses his lips.

"What'd you do?"

Joel sets down his guitar, and rests his elbows against his knees. Dim eyes meet Tommy's. "I saved them." He doesn't truly tell him, doesn't reveal what he had to do, how he practically slaughtered a hospital full of Fireflies. He figures Tommy knows that it wasn't that simple. "God damn," the younger brother breathes, folding his hands.

“That's..." he pauses, chuckling dryly, no humor behind the noise. "That's a lot." Tommy then looks up at Joel. "What do Ellie and Xen know?" He asks quietly. "I told Ellie that they ran some tests, that her immunity meant nothin'." Tommy scoffs.

"And she believed you?"

He knows that she's always had reservations floating around in her curious mind, that she knows in some subconscious way. He just sighs and shakes his head, though. "Didn't say otherwise." Tommy's head hangs solemnly.

“And what about Xen?"

He remembers how she fought incessantly with him, insisted that he leave her there to be the cure and to take Ellie, to give her a childhood in Jackson. But he couldn't. He was too selfish, lost too much already to live without Xen.

So he killed the only surgeons. And there was not another reason for Xen to stay there.

"She hadn't been uh...put under when I came in. Asked me to leave her there, let her be the cure, and to take Ellie away. But Y'know...I didn't listen." Tommy stares at him wordlessly, and Joel can practically see the gears turning in his head.

“We should head back."

And they do.

They ride in silence on their horses, the golden glow of autumn sun warming them like a blanket. The horses trot through golden valleys of wheat and billowy fields of grass. And they can see Jackson in the distance.

Joel think of Xen, and that strange benign warmth trickles across his heart. But he knows it's not right after what he's done.

They ride down the rolling plains, and through defunct neighborhoods and trails. As they get closer to Jackson, the settlements harsh lights illuminate the two in a cloak of white.

As they ascend upon the community, it's tall, wooden gates creak open. The brothers ride towards the stables at the front of the settlement. Joel slides off of his horse, his guitar strapped to his back.

Joel begins to lead his horse back into the stable, until Tommy shakes his head and takes the horses reigns from Joel's hands. "It's ok, I've got 'em," he insists. Joel quirks a bushy eyebrow. "You sure?" "Yeah."

Joel detaches his backpack from the horses saddle, and begins to trail off until Tommy speaks. "About what we were talkin' about earlier..." he pauses, shaking his head in slight disbelief. "Can't say I'd've done different."

The younger Miller brother turns and glances at Joel, almost sympathetically. "And I'll take that to the grave if I have to." Joel wears a rigid frown as the memories remain vivid in his mind, like the bright paints Xen uses.

“I'll see you later, Tommy." He pats his younger brothers shoulder, and trails off towards home.

_______________________________

He knocks on Ellie's door gently. The faint sound of a pencil scratching against paper fills his ears. "Hello?" He calls out from outside her door. She doesn't answer, and he knows she's fine, but his heart thumps in spite of that.

"Ellie?" She doesn't reply, and he pushes the door open. She's at her desk, head buried in her sketchbook, a Walkman beside her, and Joel lets out the quietest sigh of relief. He inches towards her slowly, wearing the faintest smirk as he lightly kicks her leg with his boot.

She jumps, ripping out her earbuds and spinning around. Spring green eyes are dilated with panic, until she sees Joel. She groans quietly and places a hand over her heart. "You nearly gave me a heart attack," she murmurs, sighing, shutting her sketchbook and standing up. Joel shrugs. "I tried knockin'."

Ellie leans against her desk. "What's up?" And he tucks his thumb in the loophole of his jeans. "Just checking in." And he begins to pace the room. "Folks are, Y'know, talking about how impressed they are with you and how well you're helpin' out," he explains. 

Ellie crosses her arms, unable to stifle a smile. "That's good." Joel begins to fidget with the lava lamp that sits on a shelf in the corner. "Tommy and I went out riding the other day and he uh..." he pauses, chuckling as he paces the room again. "He told me a joke and I thought about you. It's uh.."

He tries to remember, clicking his tongue as he mentally sifts through the many dusty, fading recollections. "Joel, it's uh...pretty late, and I gotta get up in a few hours," Ellie says, looking timid. She's like this every so often, aloof, in solitary. He supposes it's a teenage thing, and tries not to take it too personally.

And he tries to push out the dreadful realization that Sarah never got to have a phase of rebellion.

“Yeah yeah, I know, and I'm gonna get outta your hair, I just..." he pauses and points towards the door. "I wanna show you somethin'. Just gimme one second."

He leaves the room, and Ellie waits. He grabs his guitar from the corner of the hallway, then re-enters Ellie's room. She laughs quietly. "What's this?" She asks. "Some folks call this thing here a guitar," he says, and Ellie rolls her eyes. "Funny." "Do you wanna hear something?" He asks timidly.

A grown ass man made of wrinkles and greying hair, can feel his palms growing damp with sweat at the thought of playing for someone else, in this case, a child. But she nods.

“Okay."

He chuckles nervously, and sits down in a creaky wooden chair. "Promise me that you won't laugh," he murmurs, glancing at her sternly. His throat is closing as his anxiety festers. "I won't laugh," Ellie says, sitting back down in the chair at her desk.

He gives her a questioning look, and she sighs. "I won't, promise."

"I'm trustin' you," he mutters, getting into position. And he plays. His heart palpates violently in his chest like a butterfly's wings, and he can feel sweat dribbling down the back of his neck as his fingers pluck at the guitar strings.

“If I ever were to lose you, I'd surely lose myself."

Ellie watches him adamantly, her fingers pressed against her mouth. He wonders what she thinks briefly, but it only makes him more uneasy. "Everything I have found here, I've not found by myself. Try and sometimes, you'll succeed. To make this man of me, all my stolen, missing parts, I've no need for anymore, 'cause I believe, and I believe 'cause I can see..." he pauses and swallows the lump in his throat.

"Our future days, days of you and me."

He's rigid as he stops playing, and avoids looking at Ellie, because he's so god damn embarrassed. "You sang without me?"

Her voice is tired, raw from whatever the day held. He spins around, and she looks like Hell. Ellie opens her notebook and smiles to herself.

"What happened?" He asks, studying her face in the dim room. Her cheek is bruised and a few shallow cuts are strewn across her face, and her clothes are soaked in blood and dirt. She shrugs nonchalantly. "Usual patrol stuff. I'm fine." Her tone is cold like steel.

For now, Joel tries to ignore the worry that he feels so strongly, and trails over to Ellie's desk, placing the guitar down. "She's yours now." Ellie's mouth is ajar, and she immediately shakes her head. "No no no, I don't know the first thing about this," she protests, laughing slightly.

"I promised that I'd teach you how to play," Joel argues, placing his hand on his hips. Ellie sighs, eying the guitar momentarily, a slight twinkle of curiosity glittering in her eyes. She reluctantly scoops up the guitar, placing it in her lap. "You did," she murmurs in defeat, green pupils scanning over the instrument carefully. "What do you say, tomorrow night, first lesson?" He asks, and Ellie nods.

“Deal."

Joel nods, wearing a warm smile. That's him these days, kind of warm, comforting, and it's strange, but Ellie doesn't mind it. He trails off towards the doorway, and Xen moves aside. "Hey," Ellie calls, and Joel stops in the doorway. "Did you remember the joke?"

Xen has no idea what's happening, but observes quietly.

Joel leans against the doorway. "Hm..." he hums, racking through his own mind in an attempt to remember the joke. He suddenly chuckles, and looks up at Ellie. "What is the downside to eating a clock?" He asks.

Ellie shrugs.

"It's time consuming."

A small laugh rumbles through her and she rests her arms atop the guitar. "That's so dumb," she mutters, laughing harder. Xen rolls her eyes. Joel making fucking puns, those same corny jokes that used to annoy him to no end. Who would've thought? Xen timidly lets herself laugh.

Joel wears a smirk as he straightens up and begins to pull the door shut, but Xen puts her hand on it. He quirks an eyebrow. "Drawing," she answers plainly. He nods. "G'night, kiddo," he says quietly to Ellie, before stepping fully outside. He then glances at Xen sternly, and she almost hates him for it. "Clean those wounds." Xen says nothing, ignores him and strolls into Ellie's room, sitting on the ledge of her desk.

"What're you drawing?" She asks. Ellie immediately shuts her notebook, smirking quaintly. "It's a secret, but, I do need your help with something." Xen quirks an eyebrow, and drags the chair over that Joel was just in.

“What is it?" She asks, plopping down and resting her arms on the desk. Ellie flips to a blank page in her book, a bunch of tiny lines etched in the paper. She's trying to perfect hatching. "Ah," Xen says, nodding.

Her heart learns to be warm, to not freeze over any longer as Ellie aspires to learn from her. The girl is special, her talent natural and skills growing as she learns from Xen. 

“How'd you get so good at this shit?" Ellie huffs, dropping the pencil. "Practice," Xen says, picking the pencil back up and forcing it into Ellie's small hand. She groans quietly and Xen wears a faint smile. "C'mon, lets start."

She teaches the girl a few techniques, and by the end of the hour, her hatching has already improved. "You're learning quick," Xen says as Ellie shuts her notebook, wearing a satisfied smile. The girl shrugs. "I'll be better than you soon enough," she teases, and Xen laughs.

"You wish."

Xen rises from the wooden chair, her back aching dully. She grunts quietly and pulls the chair back. "I'm going outside," She announces, ruffling the girls hair. She scoffs and swats at Xen's hand. The woman smiles and exits the room, leaving Ellie alone to draw more.

She's still in her jacket and boots as she shuffles down the hallway and out the door. Their patio is like one of those countryside houses, with wooden planks and a swing. It's so sweet and domestic, reminds her of what she could've had. The cold air bites her skin through her black coat as she props her arms atop the railing of the patio.

Jackson is lit up still, the warm glow of string lights inciting something homely in her chest. She wonders how the hell they ended up in such a nice settlement, with food and electricity and running water. It seemed so unattainable at one point, but now she sleeps in a bed and takes hot showers. It's a dream,

Well, not totally. 

She's trying, trying so fucking hard but failing. She looks at Joel, and sees what he took from her, from the world, how he effortlessly slaughtered a hospital full of Fireflies in his own devotion to her and Ellie.

It's her fault, and she can't forgive him or herself.

The door swings open and she hears the decrepit wood creaking. She can feel him as he circles around her, and rests his arms atop the splintered railing of the patio. They're several feet apart, an impermeable gap formed, but she can feel his endless warmth from where she stands, his smell, strong of wood and fire. He's omnipresent.

Sometimes she wishes it didn't have to be this way, that she could simply forgive him, forget what happened and be his...something, that she could stop going on patrols and paint and draw in their home, while he crafts sculptures out of wood in a perfect harmony.

But that's not her, not the person made of bloodlust and restlessness and a profound emptiness from what occurred that fateful night in the hospital in Salt Lake City.

"What the hell happened?" Joel growls, and she rolls her eyes. "Usual patrol stuff." She's vague and it annoys the shit out of him as he sighs, drumming his calloused fingers against the patio railing. 

“At least clean yourself up," he murmurs, and she sighs tiredly. "Yeah, I know." They then stand rigid in silence. And despite the quietude, Joel's heart thumps with longing, the need to hold her, to bury his nose in her hair like he (briefly) used to and inhale her scent like it's lifeblood. 

But he understands what he's destroyed.

She leans over the railing, shutting her eyes as a cavernous pit deepens in her stomach. Rage and desolation and hurt fester in her body hotly, all emotions mixing and creating something devastating. 

"I'm trying here, to forgive you." She whispers this and clears her throat awkwardly thereafter. Joel grips the splintered wooden railing harder, and rigidly nods.

"I know you are." And they return to a bitter silence, cold as the night.

That quiet part of her wants to kiss him goodnight, and say that she's going up to their bed. But it's not that simple, not even close. "I'm gonna go to bed." He nods in response. "See you in the mornin'," he mumbles back. She turns away, and trails off into the house. 

She treks upstairs, and down the narrow hallway, past Joel's workroom, his bedroom, and the bathroom, reaching her small bedroom at the end of the hall. It has an iron creaky bed and a dusty grey duvet. A chipping dresser sits ramrod against the wall and her art supplies lie idle by the windowsill.

It's the mundanity she's always wanted.

She bumps her bedroom door shut with her hip, and kicks off her boots, then strips out of her coat and pants and shirt. Flakes of dirt and fresh blood stain the hardwood floor. She's down to her tank top and underwear as she tiredly crawls into bed. Her muscles ache miserably, especially her hip. She never fully recovered from being shot there, up on her feet and moving right after it happened.

She drags the duvet over her bare skin and buries her face in the yellowing pillow. She's so exhausted, her eyes heavy and body rugged, but despite her tiredness her mind will not let her slip away. Visions of what's happened flicker in her mind, the carnage and the violence and the loss.

The night they left the hospital.

It haunts her, whispers her into a sleepless night. She eventually hears Joel's boots clunk up the wooden stairs and into his bedroom. Minutes turn to hours and she lies idly against the mattress, burrowing her head further beneath her pillow as if it'll smother her own thoughts.

The clock strikes 4 A.M and she's still awake. Her body aches quietly as she sits up, and swings her bare legs over the bed. She rises to her feet, her joints cracking noisily as she shuffles out of the bedroom and down the hall. She's not sure where she's going as she nearly passes Joel's workroom and prepares to pass his bedroom, but her sock clad feet freeze once she peeks into his doorway.

He's thrashing around in bed, strangled yells leaving his throat. From where she stands she can see the layer of sweat that coats him like a blanket, glimmering in a perverted way in the soft moonlight.

Her legs are rigid as she forces herself into the bedroom. Her heart hammers and she knows this isn't a good idea, but to see him trapped in the grips of a nightmare, it's too much as she settles into the empty spot in his bed.

Her hands shake as she forces his head against her chest, her fingers threading through his hair. "You're okay, Joel." She whispers this into his ear like a mantra, slowly dragging him away from the darkness he's trapped in and into reality. His thrashing slows. His screams die down and he realizes that she's real.

“Xen." His voice, warm and dark like whiskey, is thick with sleep and raw from shouting. Even in his sleep he can smell her scent of gunpowder, feel her tender caress, hear the strange gentility of her tone. Despite the fact that they both experience these nightmares whenever they can manage to rest, they will only intervene with one another once every few months. But it's unbearable each night, for the both of them, to hear the person they love screaming and writhing against nothing but their own demons.

It's twisted to Xen, the way she won't allow herself to be at arms length usually, makes him suffer in a strange way. But tonight, she needs someone or something to cling onto.

“I'm here," she murmurs, hesitantly pressing a kiss against the side of his neck. He always likes that, and lets his arms lazily wrap around her waist. He pulls her back against his chest, and presses his nose and lips against her bare shoulder. And she lets him, just this once.


	2. 2 hold U

FIVE YEARS AFTER THE EVENTS OF BOOK ONE, 2038

The harsh sound of a fist against the door awakens Ellie violently. She shoots upwards, groaning quietly at the way her eyes still sag with sleep. She crawls out of bed and fumbles over to the door of the garage she lives in.

Jesse stands there, leaning against the doorframe. "Hey," Ellie breathes, sighing. "Morning," Jesse says, wearing a mocking smile. "Sorry, I totally overslept. Just gimme a minute and I'll go get ready," she explains, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "I heard you had quite a night after I left," he remarks, and Ellie freezes up. She remembers everything, and she wants to forget it. Dina's lips, her sylphlike frame warm against her own as they kissed.

She shivers inwardly.

"I..." she pauses, trying to find the words. "She kissed me. It was just Dina being Dina. She didn't mean anything by it," Ellie explains plainly, her heart thumping painfully against her rib cage. Jesse's smug smirk twists into a frown. "I was talking about your fight with Seth...you kissed Dina?" He asks, his posture straightening. Ellie's frozen in the doorway.

"Oh..." she breathes, crossing her arms over her chest. Well, this sucks. "We're broken up one week and you make a move on my girl?" He hisses, and Ellie's stomach turns. Fuck, she knew this was a mistake. "No.." she starts shakily, beginning to sweat despite the frigid temperature right outside her door.

"She was probably just trying to make you jealous...I didn't...I would never..." she stops and glances down at her sock clad feet. "This is so fucking awkward..." she whispers in spite of herself. She should've thought it out more before it happened, before she let Dina do it. But she couldn't think, couldn't move or breathe as Dina's minty breath tickled her face.

But Jesse cracks a smile, and Ellie's slashed brows furrow together. "I'm just messin' with you!" He exclaims, laughing heartily. "I don't care, now get dressed." Ellie's heart stops racing and she relaxes slightly.

"You're the worst," she scoffs, beginning to shut the door, but Jesse grabs it, peeking his head in. "It's kind of fucked up you did that," he says seriously, but the smug look he wears gives him away and she shuts the door.

"Fuck," she groans, dragging herself over to her desk. She retrieves her backpack and reloads her pistol, then throws on her jacket. Her hoodie and jeans smell clean enough, she supposes. "Are Joel and Xen up?" Ellie calls to Jesse, who waits outside the door.

She grabs her dagger, which is lodged into her nightstand from a previous outburst. "We got reports of infected out north. Maria sent them and Tommy out early to scout. Ellie frowns, sitting on the edge of the table and tugging on her boots. "That sucks." 

"Yep, can't imagine they got much sleep," Jesse yells. "Definitely not as much as you," he finishes, and Ellie grunts. "Shut up, I was just about to get up," she says, and even she knows that's a lie. She stands up straight and pulls the door open. "Mhm," Jesse hums, and Ellie rolls her eyes. "Seriously, I was."

She swings the door shut and steps out into the fluffy white snow. "You got everything?" Jesse asks, and she nods, tugging her wool gloves onto her pale hands. Her and Jesse begin to jog through the snow. "Heads up, you're the talk of the town this morning," he warns. Her face heats up with ire, her fists balled up as she thinks of Seth. She groans and continues to follow Jesse. 

"Let me see if I got this right. You kissed Dina-" "she kissed me," Ellie corrects sharply, and the memory dances in her head in an annoyingly vivid manner. "Which triggered Seth to call you a...not-so-nice word.." Jesse finishes.

"Yep," Ellie grunts in confirmation. "Then Joel decked him?" Jesse asks. "More of a push," Ellie argues, sighing sadly at the memory. "And then you got mad at Joel? That's the part that confused me," He presses. "It was a strange night," Ellie murmurs vaguely.

Her and Jesse round a corner, and run towards a blue wooden gate. Ellie pushes it open as Jesse readjusts his gloves. "So.... we're good, right?" She asks timidly. "You and me? Yeah, of course, but Dina and I are done," Jesse says. Ellie nods. "Yeah, I just didn't want you to think-" "Ellie, we're cool, I promise."

"Thanks," Ellie murmurs, smiling faintly as they jog through Jackson. Christmas lights are strung up around buildings, a warm glow cancelling out the harsh overhead lights of the settlement. Children frolic peacefully, chuckling snowballs at one another and laughing in their squeaky, naive tones.

A cavernous pit opens in Ellie's stomach. Sometimes she wonders what it would've been like to have a childhood, to dance amongst crunchy warm leafs in Fall, and blue glimmering oceans in Summer, to make friends and keep them, to have no worries.

Sometimes, she wishes that she hadn't missed all of that. Maybe it's best she had though, because she can't miss delights she never truly knew. She's lucky that she never had to say goodbye to life before the outbreak. This is the life she knows intimately, violence and sorrow and death.

They make a right, and step onto the stoop of the Tipsy Bison, where Ellie made several mistakes the previous night. She sighs as Jesse pulls the heavy wooden door open. "Where's Maria?" She asks as they walk in. "In the back."

It's crowded, some folks eating breakfast and some already drinking. Ellie and Jesse sift through the crowd and towards the back. Maria stands by the bar, and glances at Ellie. "There you are, c'mere," she says in her soft, yet stern voice. Ellie hates that she'll actually obey the woman. "Seth's got something he wants to say to you," she says quietly, and Ellie scoffs. "I don't wanna hear what that bigot has to say," she argues calmly. 

But Maria wears that forbidding look in her cold, grey eyes. "Do it for me." Ellie sighs dramatically, feeling her own skin crawl with ire. "Fine." "Seth!" Maria calls. He comes out from the back, holding two small packages.

"Fuck me," Ellie hisses. "Hey," he says, like they're old friends. And Ellie bites the inside of her cheek, swallowing the urge to punch him square in the jaw. She just stares at him impatiently. "Look, last night... I was drinking too much," he justifies plainly.

So was Xen, but she didn't act like a bigot.

"Sure..." Ellie murmurs coldly. And he deserves every ounce of spite she gives him. Maria cuts her eyes at her, and the girl softens. "I'm trying to say I'm sorry," Seth snaps. "Maria tells me that you and Dina are headed out." He nods towards the packages. "I uh, made you some sandwiches," he says, setting them on the counter. "Okay," Ellie says dryly. 

She doesn't care much for his apology, knows that he'll continue to be disgusted by her and Dina. So she glares at him coldly, and she sees the way he grows uncomfortable with her brutal silence, her inability to bend at his will and simply accept his... whatever the hell it is.

"They're steak," he blurts out. Ellie's stony gaze doesn't falter. Maria claps her hands together in an attempt to lighten the thick tension, and grabs the sandwiches. "Thank you, Seth." She forces the sandwiches into Ellie's hand, and the girl turns away. She knows why Maria did it, doesn't blame her. She doesn't like folks fighting in Jackson, believes it makes things more complicated, and yeah, she's right.

"You be safe out there," Seth calls, before trailing back into the kitchen. Maria claps her hand atop Ellie's shoulder. "I appreciate that." Ellie just nods, and turns towards Jesse, who walks forward curiously. "What you got there?" He asks nosily, and Ellie laughs dryly.

"Bigot sandwiches," she murmurs, putting the packages into his hands. He sniffs them and shrugs. "Mm, smells good." "They're yours," Ellie says. She won't accept a token of feigned gratitude from that old hag. He raises an eyebrow. "You sure?" "It's fine."

Maria pats Jesses shoulder. "Let me walk you two out," she insists, leading them through the warm mass of bodies and into the harsh winter flurry. "When you guys go out, I want you to trade off with Tommy, Xen, and Joel. They've been up far too long," Maria orders. Ellie isn't surprised. She knows it'll take much more convincing to reign Xen back in. 

"Where do I meet them?" Jesse asks. "If you go up to the Northwest outlook, they're scheduled to arrive later today," Maria explains as they trudge through the snow. "Watch yourself, too many sightings of infected recently," she warns. "Of course. I was gonna check out the Creek Trails. I need someone else to cover it."

Maria turns towards Ellie. "You know the Creek Trails?" She asks, and Ellie shrugs. "Not really." "Dina's done it a bunch. The two of them can take it," he says, smirking smugly at Ellie, who quietly flips him the bird. "That solves that," Maria sighs. They stop at the gate. "Ellie, can I talk to you for a sec?" She asks.

"Sup?" Maria frowns grimly. "Look, I don't know what's going on with you and Joel..." Ellie promptly sighs, backing away. "Maria..." she warns, and she's not even angry, just exasperated. "The guy really cares about you, and I'm sure he didn't mean to-" "we're fine," Ellie sighs. Maria glances at her questionably.

"Yeah?" "Yeah."

She just nods, and backs off. "Okay, sorry to pry."

Ellie begins to trail off, but Maria lies a gentle hand atop the girls shoulder. "Be safe." Ellie simply nods, and returns to Jesse, who waits outside the gate. "Dina, assignments!" He yells, and Ellie's face warms up despite the growing blizzard. "Just gimme a minute!" She yells back, ducking as a child throws a snowball at her. Ellie watches her adamantly, soaks in every minuscule detail of the woman.

And she still can't get enough.

"Will you get your girlfriend over to the stables please?" Jesse asks in an exasperated tone, before walking off. Ellie scoffs, and shuffles over to the fence Dina sits behind. "Dina," the girl calls out, and Dina spins around quickly. 

"Can I talk to you?" She asks, resting her arms atop the wooden fence. Dina turns back to the children. "Hey, guys? I'm tapping out!" She shouts over their commotion. The kids groan. "For how long?" One asks. Dina doesn't answer, just shrugs and trails towards Ellie.

Her heart lurches forward against her rib cage.

"Hey," Dina breathes timidly, fidgeting with her tan gloves. "Hi," Ellie says, forcing a half smile. "Um, I just wanted to say sorry for running off last night," she says, drumming her gloves fingers against the splintered wood of the fence. Dina waves her off quickly. "Oh that's—it's ok. I totally get it. I just... I felt bad."

Ellie can't help herself as she quirks a slashed brow. "Why?" Dina shifts uncomfortably. "I started the whole thing. I just... I shouldn't have kissed you in front of all those people and I-" "you were drunk, it's fine," Ellie says with finality, shrugging her shoulders as if her heart doesn't crumple like burning paper.

"Well, still, I just don't want you to think-" "no, I'm not reading into it or anything," she interrupts again, crossing her arms over her chest defensively. Dina smiles the best she can. "You know what I love about you? How you let me finish my sentences," Dina says.

Ellie chuckles stiffly, and glances down at her boots. "Alright... well, we should probably get going." "Yeah." Ellie turns to leave, until a frigid ball of snow collides with her cheek. She gasps and raises her arms. "Ow!"

"What the fuck!?" Dina yells at one of the kids, who shrugs. "I'm not even playing!" Ellie shouts, wiping off her freckled cheek with her coat sleeve. "Cause you're a chicken? Haha!" The kid yells back, and the other children begin to laugh as well. Ellie sighs.

"I hate this kid so much," she whispers. "You wanna fuck him up?" Dina mutters, and Ellie thinks she's joking, but her smile has faded. She looks around, making sure no parents are supervising, then looks back at Dina.

"Yeah, I do."

Ellie jumps the fence. "You asked for it!"  
Dina yells. "You better run you little shits!" The kids scramble away from the frigid playground equipment. "Holy shit! Get to cover! Go go!" One hisses as Ellie bends down and begins to form a snowball. It's cold in her hands as she aims down the little bitch who froze her cheek.

She chucks the ball at his chest and he groans. "Gotcha!" She yells, ducking down behind a wooden post. Dina lobs a snowball at a small blonde boy, who laughs loudly and ducks behind the other side of the post. 

Ellie forms another one, and throws it at a girl with red hair who gasps and laughs at the sudden impact. "Eat that!"

The atmosphere doesn't feel quite as cold and unforgiving as Ellie and Dina sit side by side, lobbing snowballs at children. How strange.


	3. wishing you godspeed

"Holy fuck."

Ellie and Dina have made it to Eugene's lookout, endured the roaring blizzard outside, the bitter cold against their skin, and hoards of infected. But they're here and they're... surprised. He has an entire room of weed plants, along with gadgets he built to smoke with. "Well, this makes sense," Dina murmurs, fingers grazing over the dead plants.

What a waste.

The women sift through the room, finding several bongs and lighters along the way. "Shit," Ellie laughs. Never in a million years did she think they would find this. She's never done it, but Xen's picked up the habit. The woman used to glide through the house, a joint clutched between her fingers as she danced gently to an old Led Zeppelin record she scrounged up on patrol. She's still never seen her so relaxed, carefree, her temper gone. She would always sit on the couch and watch Xen, laughing endlessly.

But it hasn't been the same since her fight with Joel.

She walks over to another shelf, standing up on her tippy toes and retrieving a jar. She furrows her eyebrows and wipes the dust off. Six or seven joints lie idly in the jar, and Ellie smiles. Dina circles around her. "Ah," she hums happily. "You think it's still good?" Ellie asks timidly, narrowing her eyes.

She doesn't know much anything about this.

"Does weed go bad?" Dina asks, and Ellie shrugs. "Don't know. Let's find out."

She tries to twist the lid off the mason jar, but it's screwed on tight. "Shit," she grunts, her skin irritated against the lid as she tries again, but to no avail. "You having a hard time?" Dina asks, slipping off her sherpa jacket and setting it on the table. "Nope, I've got it."

Ellie sits down on the table, clutching the jar between her thighs and twisting the lid with both hands. Dina watches her, smirking in a mocking fashion. "Give me that," Dina snaps playfully, reaching down and grabbing the jar.

Ellie snorts. "Oh yeah, like you're gonna get it." Dina tries, but fails as miserably as Ellie. "Fuck it," she groans, suddenly smashing the jar against the floor. The glass shatters into a million tiny shards, and the joints sit unharmed. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Ellie asks calmly, glancing at Dina, who shrugs.

"Got it open, didn't I?"

Ellie supposes she did.

She leans over and retrieves a joint, sniffing it. It's scent is musky and reminds her of Xen. Maybe she'll tell her about their little adventure when she gets home. "Smells good," she mutters, handing the joint to Dina.

She sits down on the cot on the floor, and places the joint between her lips and fishes a lighter out of her back pocket. "I mean... we're gonna be stuck here awhile, right?" She brings the dwindling orange flame to the joint and inhales. Ellie laughs, and collapses beside her.

"Totally trapped."

She likes how the flame illuminates Dina's faintest features, the light freckles speckled across her tan skin, the shallow scarring on her neck, the softness of her lips.

Fuck, Ellie misses her lips.

She blows out a cloud of smoke and Ellie continues to observe her adamantly. Dina passes the joint to her, and Ellie gladly takes it. "Can I ask you a question?" Dina asks calmly. "I don't know, can you?" Ellie quips, bringing the joint to her lips and inhaling. The smoke tickles the back of her throat and burns. She holds it in as long as she can, before exhaling and coughing into her elbow. She already feels more relaxed, removed from the cruelty of Winter weather and infected.

She hands the joint back to Dina.

"Scale of one to ten, one being like... absolutely trash, and ten being like... life altering..." she pauses, easily taking a drag from the joint. "How would you rate our kiss from last night?" Smoke escapes her mouth as she speaks and dances above their heads. 

Ellie sighs sadly. "Why are we still talking about this?" She asks in spite of her own heart thundering in her chest. Dina passes her the joint. "You said it was a mistake," she adds. The smoke doesn't irritate her as much this time, and she feels as if she's slowly melting into something tranquil. 

"Did I say that?" Dina challenges, narrowing her earthy brown eyes. Ellie's mouth is ajar. What kind of mind game shit is this? "What are you doing?" Ellie asks. Dina shrugs nonchalantly, as if this isn't consuming Ellie's entire mind and soul. "I asked you to rate our kiss." Ellie gazes down at her shoes, feeling her freckled cheeks grow warm as visions of the previous night dance in her head.

"I don't know," she murmurs. Dina glances at the wall, looking quite concentrated, then back at Ellie. "I'd give it a six," she concludes, bringing the joint back to her mouth. A six? A fucking measly six? To a kiss that enraptured Ellie and haunts her an entire day later? She stares at Dina incredulously.

"A six!?" She cries, her shoulders slumping and her mouth ajar. Ellie takes the joint back from Dina, shaking her head. "Wow," she murmurs, taking a drag and letting the smoke twirl in her lungs beautifully. "Like a solid six," Dina continues, and Ellie nods, exhaling. "Okay."

"There were a lot of people around," Dina elaborates. "Yeah, but a six?" Ellie asks again, handing the joint off to Dina. "Oh, what? I mean, now I really wanna know how you'd rate it." Ellie chuckles nervously, and shrugs.

"I don't think you do."

Dina glares at her adamantly, quietly, as if she's trying to dissect the woman and figure out what she might be thinking. "You're infuriating," she murmurs, snatching the joint back from Ellie, who laughs quietly. "Have you met you?" She quips, resting her hands against the thin cot. "You make me want to go back outside into that blizzard," Dina whispers.

She leans in closer, but Ellie doesn't feel so panicked. Maybe it's the weed or the way Dina's eyes gleam brilliantly beneath the orange flame, but this doesn't feel wrong. Ellie leans in closer, and can feel Dina's minty breath fanning against her warm face.

"No one is stopping you," she whispers. Their faces are so close that it hurts. "This better be more than a six," Dina mutters. Ellie's hands are shaky as they urgently grab Dina's face. Her skin's so warm and soft that she could cry.

Ellie hungrily presses her lips to Dina's, and there's nothing soft about the kiss, lips and tongue and teeth, heat rising as they greedily embrace eachother. Ellie pushes Dina down against the cot. She feels invincible.

______________________________

She can barely see through the blizzard, snow soaking through her pants and coat. "Fuck," she hisses, glancing back at Joel and Tommy. "I can't see a damn thing!" She yells over the wind. Joel's gloved hand shields his own face, his eyes narrowed. They continue to trudge through the snow, despite the brutal winds and potential frostbite forming on Xen's neck.

The screeches of clickers sound faintly and Xen groans quietly. This is about the seventh herd of them they've encountered today. Xen clutches her pistol tight, and Joel and Tommy reload their own guns. Xen can see some sort of warehouse nearby, and a tall chain link fence wrapping around it. The sounds grow closer and the three trudge faster through the snow.

As they get closer to the fence, they can see a woman on the frigid ground, writhing against a clicker as she barely manages to fend them off. "Shit," Joel grunts, running forward. Xen and Tommy follow closely behind him.

Joel shoots off the head of the clicker, and leans down, grabbing the woman's hand and pulling her to her feet. She looks utterly horrified, but who wouldn't be? Xen guards them, watching their backs for any more infected. "We're gonna have to run!" He yells to the stranger, who glances frantically at the crowd of infected. "Too many of them!" Tommy shouts, glancing at Joel. 

"I'll cover you, get goin'!" He yells. Xen sticks alongside him, aiming down infected through the tall chain link fence. "C'mon, this way!" Tommy yells to the woman, who shakily follows after him. Blood and brain matter stain the white snow a deadly shade of crimson. 

"Joel, there's too many," Xen pants, grabbing him by the arm and dragging him away clumsily. He doesn't argue, but runs away with her, because he knows she's right as they trek through the snow, and towards the open warehouse. A fire burns brightly, roasting infected to bitter ash, and Tommy and the woman run towards Joel and Xen.

"This way, c'mon!" Tommy shouts, pushing a door open. The woman quickly grabs a heavy shelf, easily pushing it against the door. She's stronger than Tommy, Xen, or Joel. "You okay?" Xen asks the woman, and she nods breathlessly. "Where the hell'd they all come from?" Tommy asks as they swiftly walk through the large room, and down a wide hallway. "It don't matter. What does is where we're goin," Joel mutters, reloading his gun.

"I reckon we go out the back. We can make a break for the lodge," Tommy suggests. "I ain't got a better idea," Joel pants. "Do you have a gun?" Xen asks the stranger. She nods, her forehead still creased in a worried way, her cheeks red from the bitter cold outside.

"Yeah," she breathes, and Xen's almost stunned at how young she sounds. She looks so firm, so strong and conditioned. But her voice is soft like butter. "Hope you're a good shot," Tommy murmurs, and the woman nods. "You keep up with us," Joel warns.

"We gotta warn everyone, come back with a cleanup crew," Tommy says as they hike through the rooms of the warehouse. "We gotta live through this first," Joel growls, "We'll be fine," Xen mumbles wearily.

They've got to be, because she's pregnant.

The mere thought of pregnancy hadn't ever crossed Xen's mind, not since the death of her own son. She didn't even think such fruition was possible at the ripe age of 42. Her hair's greying and her muscles ache, but somehow there's a baby inside of here, something unfurling, pushing the makings of her aside to make room for itself. It doesn’t belong there.

Joel doesn't know. Hell, the past five years have been the same between them, fucking then holding each other then her remembering what he's done the next day, what he did, and pulling away. She only found a a couple weeks ago. She thought about throwing herself down the steps, a haphazard abortion, but she'd bust her hip up even worse and Joel would be upset, so she refrained.

She doesn't know how to tell him. They're both scarred people, the wounds of losing their own separate kin unhealed. How do two people, as wretched and damaged as them, raise a child? Two people who can't even begin a real relationship? Xen sure as hell doesn't know.

And she knows Joel doesn't.

The stranger rips a pipe out of the rotting wall, dusts it off and Xen assumes she'll use it as a weapon. She turns towards the flimsy planks of wood strapped across the windows, and she knows it won't hold as infected run through the blizzard. "Fuck, the windows," she warns, groaning quietly as she reloads her pistol.

"Shit," Joel hisses, reloading his own gun. They begin to tear through the windows, and the four begin to run, fast. "We gotta move!" Tommy yells. The woman runs ahead, yanking open two double doors. There are more infected inside, and another set of doors. "Get to the door!" Joel shouts to Tommy and the stranger, and they listen. Him and Xen shoot.

Her hands shake slightly as she seamlessly blows out the rotting brains of infected, her hip throbbing quietly and her chest heaving. She's getting older, but she can't accept the inevitable, being that one day she'll be resigned to her own house, most likely depressed and driven mad. But she supposes it's not best to dread on the future while you're fighting to have one. 

They slaughter all infected, and run through the doors that Tommy and Abby opened. More infected have seeped in. Tommy shoots them in the face with his shotgun, and the woman easily kills them with her bare hands. 

She'd be useful to have back in Jackson.

Xen reloads her pistol and shoots at the heads of the undead, but she can't help the way her eyes wander to the stranger. The way she snaps necks and beats infected with her own fists is mesmerizing, and Xen only wishes she could possess that type of strength.

Tommy and Joel push a heavy metal shelf against the door while the women fend off infected, and soon they're all just corpses. "God fuckin' damn," Tommy pants, leaning over. "That door ain't gonna hold 'em for long."

"We need to hurry," Joel murmurs. She almost laughs. "You're telling me..."

"Up there, the window! That's our way out!" Tommy yells over the roaring blizzard right outside. "You see a way up there?" Xen asks. Joel begins to urgently look around, before nodding towards a toppled over ski lift gondola. Him and Tommy run over while Xen watches the door. The screeches of infected grow and her stomach turns violently.

"Hey, girl, help us!" Tommy yells out to the stranger. She says nothing, but runs over and leans her weight into the cart. They begin to push it onto its side. Xen glances at the door, and an infected breaks through, a swarm of others behind them. "Fuck," she hisses, aiming her gun, but its dim and snow leaks through the uprooted wall of the building.

"They're breakin' through," Joel growls. "I'll push the gondola to the window. You three keep those infected off of me," Tommy orders, grabbing the cold metal handle of the gondola and beginning to drag it. The stranger pulls the gun out from the waistband of her pants and shoots at clickers alongside Xen and Joel.

"Get this thing off me!" Tommy yells, and Xen instinctively glances over at him. An infected claws at him through his coat. She aims the creature down and their blood splatters over Tommy's thick jacket. He then resumes pulling the gondola, and Xen refocuses her attention on killing the incoming infected.

"You want me to take over!?" Joel yells to Tommy, continuing to take down the undead. "No! Just keep infected off of me!" The younger brother shouts back. There's a sea of infected, it seems, spawning out of some hell scape and lingering in every square inch of the room. It's moments like this, where Xen's nauseous and running low on ammo, that she wonders how they've made it this far.

"I'm runnin' low!" Joel reports to Tommy, who is still pulling the gondola and emitting loud grunts of effort. "Just give me a minute!" Xen grumbles and quickly shoves her pistol into the waistband of her pants, retrieving the pipe she picked up earlier, which is strapped haphazardly to her bag.

She lunges forward, slamming the bloody metal pipe over an infected's head, then into their side. They moan in a way that makes her feel something pitiful, their last grains of humanity leaking through in an eerie scream.

And she almost frowns at how she's softened, before moving onto the next enemy.

"How we doin' Tommy?" Joel asks frantically as his ammo runs low. He's resorted to punching infected with his gloved fists. "Almost there!" Tommy hollers back. The woman they don't yet know continues to brawl with infected, eliminating them efficiently with her strength. "I got it! C'mon!" Tommy yells.

Xen drops the pipe and turns, running over towards the gondola, which has been pushed against a large hole in the rotting building. The stranger runs ahead towards Tommy, who stands on top of the gondola. He jumps out and the woman follows. Xen is next to leap atop it, her bloodied boots scraping against it as she clambers upwards. She waits for Joel, who grunts and motions for her to jump as he climbs. She doesn’t listen, leans down and holds her hand out, her muscles straining as she drags him up onto the gondola.

She then leaps down, hitting the soft snow with a thud. The woman is hunched over, and Xen grabs her bicep. "I've got you." She drags the stronger woman up onto her feet, and Xen hears Joel leap down behind them.

They run forward quickly, and the urge to vomit is overwhelming as Xen's lungs burn. It's morning and the organism in her stomach is making her every day life a lot harder. "Where are we going?" The stranger asks over the unmitigated flurry of snow. "Just a bit further," Tommy answers. The screeches of infected overpower the blizzard and Xen somehow runs even faster. "Through those doors!" Joel yells as they approach the chalet.

Tommy yanks the wooden doors open and leads the three inside. The stranger is last to enter and she hurriedly slams it shut. The sounds of infected leak through the walls as Joel barricades the doors.

Tommy stands before the stranger, clapping a hand atop her shoulder. "I'm Tommy, he's Joel, and she's Xen. What's your name?" The woman looks thoroughly mystified, her mouth ajar and eyebrows furrowed. Xen supposes that she's shocked from what just happened.

Hell, she can't say that she isn't a little shaken up herself.

"A-Abby," she answers, nodding stiffly. Xen doesn't have time for formalities as the queasy feeling in her stomach boils over. She hunches over, vomiting onto the carpeted floor. "Shit," she gargles as she falls down, and hurls again.

Joel is quick to scoop up her hair with his gloved hands. He curses beneath baited breath. The vomiting ends and Xen wipes her mouth with the back of her arm. She's dizzy but can hear the wooden doors shaking as infected pound against them. "That ain't gonna hold," Tommy murmurs shakily, rushing to the other side of Xen and helping her up.

She groans at the tightness of his hand around her bicep, but steadies herself on her feet. Joel's overwhelmed too, dim eyes flicking between the doors and Xen. "We can't outrun 'em all the way to Jackson. We gotta barricade it more," Tommy comments, his gun aimed at the door. "Tommy, we cannot stay here!" Joel hisses, retrieving his pistol. Xen's too dizzy and nauseated to chime in on the fight.

"My friends... my friends are in a mansion just north of here! It's fenced in, we have the whole perimeter secure," Abby suggests suddenly, her eyes wide as her hands tremble slightly. Tommy and Joel exchange a look, before glancing back at Abby. 

"It's the Baldwin place. That could work," Joel agrees, nodding shakily. "Alright, I'll get the door," Tommy says with finality, racing towards the other end of the chalet. Joel moves beside Xen, his eyebrows furrowed. "You sick?" He murmurs, and she immediately shakes her head. "No, no. M' fine," she answers.

She can tell he doesn't believe her, but it's best not to push the issue, considering where they stand. And she decides it's best to not tell him just yet for the same reason. 

Xen turns away from him, and places a hand atop Abbys brawny shoulder. "You can ride with me," she mutters, dragging the younger woman over to the horses. Xen shakily climbs atop her tan horse, cursing quietly at the way her stomach churns. Abby saddles up behind her, her bulky arms wrapping around the other woman's waist. 

Joel climbs onto his horse, and Tommy has fully opened the door. He rushes to saddle into his horse as the door grows more unstable beneath the harsh pounding of infected. 

They ride back out into the frigid blizzard. Xen just wants to go home.


	4. drowned in living waters

Ellie's fingers wander across Dina's hip. Her skin is scarred there, a short jagged line etched deeply in the once soft flesh, similar to scars and burns that nearly cover Xen's face. "What happened there?" She whispers curiously, resting her head on Dina's bicep. Dina laughs quietly. "When I was 12, I found a skateboard."

"Uh oh," Ellie quips, and Dina laughs again, nodding. "And I tried to get on it, but it shot right out from under me." Ellie chuckles, but glances at Dina in confusion. "But how'd you get the scar?" She asks, drumming her fingers against the damaged flesh. 

Dina sighs, slightly embarrassed but very amused by the memory. "I fell on my knife." Ellie laughs loudly and Dina rolls her eyes, planting her hand over her forehead. Through her own shame, she gazes at Ellie expectantly, who sighs slightly and lifts her arm.

"Okay... the chemical burn." She points to the spot on her wrist where she was once bitten. She tried to erase the bite mark with acid. She doesn't know why she thought it'd work, but Joel bursted in her room, and totally lost his shit, stopping her from any more damage. 

Yeah, a tattoo was probably the right way to go about covering it. At least she learned eventually.

"I did it myself," Ellie admits to Dina, who quirks an eyebrow. "Why?" Ellie purses her lips. She figures this isn't exactly the right time for such a.... revelation to be revealed, so she racks her brain, trying to come up with an explanation that isn't so jarring.

"Uhhh..." she hums, drumming her fingers over the tattooed area of skin. "To cover a bite mark." She quickly decides what direction she'll be taking this story in. "I got jumped by an infected when I was fourteen. And turns out... I'm immune," she explains in a comical way, shrugging her shoulders.

She knows Dina won't believe, not with the funny way she speaks and she way she goes about it casually. And even if she were acting serious, who the hell would still believe it? "So it healed with a ring of fucked up teeth marks and cysts and-" Dina cuts her off with a soft punch against her arm. Ellie gasps dramatically. "Ow!" "Fuck you."

Dina shifts over and positions herself on top of Ellie's stomach. "Hey!" She laughs as Dina's hands grip her shoulders. "I told you a real fucking story!" Dina argues. "I did tell you a real fucking story!" Ellie quips, laughing.

Dina smirks mischievously. "Oh, you want a bite mark?" She asks tauntingly, beginning to lean down, but her eyebrows suddenly furrow, and she snaps back up. "You hear that?" She murmurs, and Ellie scoffs. "Hear what?"

"Anyone down there?" Fuck. "Jesse?" Dina calls out, rolling off of Ellie frantically. Ellie's heart lurches forward and she scrambles off of the cot, urgently putting her clothes back on. "Just stay there, ok!?" Dina hollers to Jesse, urgently tugging her jeans back on.

But when has Jesse ever listened?

"Are you ok? What's going on?" His voice grows closer and he runs through the doorway, his gun ready, until he sees the women as they rush to get dressed. Dina groans. "Will you just wait, please?" She whines, her jeans halfway up her thighs and her hair disheveled. 

Ellie faces the wall, stifling a loud laugh as Dina bickers with Jesse. "Just turn around! What are you doing!?" She exclaims as he stands there, frozen in the center of the room. "Are you kidding me?" He murmurs, finally turning away from the women and placing his hands on his hips. Ellie zips up her pants and rugs on her sweatshirt as Jesse lectures them.

"You're supposed to be on patrol," he says sternly, and Dina scoffs. "There's a blizzard outside!" She exclaims, nodding towards the window as she tugs her pants above her hips. "Is that weed?" Jesse asks, sniffing, and Dina sighs, while Ellie chuckles quietly.

"What are you doing here?" Dina asks in annoyance as she throws her shirt back on. "People are counting on you, you get that?" He continues, ignoring her question. "Then why aren't you at the fucking lookout?" She argues, stalking over towards Jesse, who promptly turns back around. "Because Tommy, Xen and Joel didn't show up!"

Ellie's smile melts into a frown and she freezes. She knows Xen, knows Joel, knows Tommy, knows their schedules and their perfect timing. They aren't late, they don't flake on things. Not ever. "What do you mean?" She asks, straightening up. "We waited for them for an hour. I was looking for their horses when I saw lights." Ellie stares at him, frozen where she stands, her mouth ajar.

She knows something is wrong, she can feel it in her bones. She knows then, knows how they operate like machines when it comes to this stuff. They wouldn't ever miss a patrol willingly. Dina notices how the other woman is visibly shaken. "Maybe they just went back to town?" She suggests, and Ellie shakes her head.

"Without being replaced? No way."

She urgently tugs her boots on, and looks up at Jesse. "How much of their region have you covered?" "Not much," he answers, sighing gently. Ellie tugs her backpack onto her shoulders. "Then we split up, go at it from different sides. We can cover the whole thing in a few hours." Jesse shakes his head.

"I don't like you riding solo. We don't know what's out there," he argues, but to no avail. "Exactly! What if they need help?" She exclaims while Dina pulls on her jacket and backpack. Jesse sighs again but caves.

"Okay. I'll head west, Dina can take South, and you come from the East, but be smart about it, yeah?" he explains. Dina and Ellie nod. They then leave the den, and Ellie's heart thumps as she wonders what the hell happened.

________________________________

The horses trot through the snow. The wind howls and the four are shivering. The woman, Abby, offers some warmth against Xen's back, and she's thankful. Her nausea has subsided but the bitter cold is getting to her. She can tell everyone else feels the same pain.

The sounds of infected sound as they approach the mansion Abby spoke of. She pulls out her pistol while Xen pulls the reigns of the horse, making him go faster. Abby shoots down infected and they are inching towards a tall gate. "Come on!" Her allies yell from the spiked fence. They pull the gate open and continue to yell for the four to move faster.

They ride through the gate, and Xen feels the slightest safety as they are surrounded by orange glowing lanterns and people. Abby's friends rush to shut the gate, right before infected crowd around the outside of it, and they begin shooting. "Save your bullets!" One interjects, chuckling a Molotov into the crowd of undead. They screech loudly and the smell of their roasting flesh is especially pungent.

Abby hops of the horse, trailing over to one of her allies. "Let's get inside!" He yells over the piercing wind. Joel, Tommy, and Xen get off of their horses, then lead them behind the group of people. Joel sticks close beside Xen.

"You feeling better?" He asks, as quietly as he can over the wind. She hears him barely and sighs. "I need to talk to you when we get back," she explains, and his face somehow becomes even more stern. "It's not... it's not bad news."

It kind of is, but she's trying to quell his nerves. He simply nods.

The three are led inside the garage of the large mansion. Warmth embraces Xen and she nearly smiles at the relief. A man shuts the garage door once everyone's inside. "How you guys doing?" A woman with curly black hair and tawny skin asks the three. "We're good, thanks," Tommy answers, cleaning the snow off of his horse. "Yeah," Joel chimes quietly.

Xen says nothing, but smiles politely at the woman.

"You wanna get those saddles off?" She asks, and Tommy shakes his head. "No, it's alright. We'll just ride out the storm and get out of your hair," Joel says, and the woman shrugs, looking over at Abby, who trails off with a tall man with blonde hair. "You guys wanna come in?" The woman asks, nodding towards the room that Abby and the man enter.

Tommy nods. "Sure."

She leads them in. Abbys allies congregate there as well. It's empty but has large, frosty windows. "How long y'all been here?" Tommy asks. "Since yesterday," a man with a short black ponytail and a beard answers. 

Xen feels on edge. Maybe it's instinct after all they've gone through, but the way they all gather in here, like it's planned, like something will happen.... no, no. It's just the trauma talking. She clenches her gloved fists and chews the inside of her cheek.

"What are y'all doing out this way?" Joel asks as someone shuts the door, doing nothing to quell Xen's nerves. "Oh, just passing through. You three live nearby?" A man asks. Xen doesn't answer but Tommy does.

"We do, just a few hours down the hill. Y'all should come back with us, restock before you head out," he offers. And Xen's so wound up as she lingers close to Joel. He can tell she's feeling off in the way that she eyes him nervously, clenching her jaw. Tommy's not even being nice now, just plain stupid.

"Appreciate it," a woman with cropped brown hair chimes, nodding stiffly. She steps forward towards Tommy. "I'm Mel, by the way," she introduces, extending her hand forward. He smiles and shakes it. "Tommy. This is my brother, and this is Xen," he explains, pointing towards the pair as they stand stiffly in the center of the room. 

Xen nods and smiles tightly. "Joel," he introduces, nodding curtly.

And it feels like the energy has shifted.

The welcoming looks of these people melt away. They all visibly tense up, and Xen hugs her arms around herself. This feels wrong, so so wrong. And she wishes she could just shut off the paranoid, traumatized part of her brain talking. They're nice, surely. 

Why wouldn't they be?

"Y'all act like you've heard of us or something," Joel remarks coldly, and Xen swallows the lump in her throat. He's a fucking moron for that, she thinks. "That's 'cause they have," Abby comments. And it happens in a flash as she shoots his knee cap with her shotgun.

Xen gasps and lunges forward as Joel sinks to the floor with a grunt. "Xen," He cries out weakly. But two people are quick to restrain her by her arms. They force her to the ground, and she's writhing and thrashing against them, making their job much harder. But they manage, as one man roughly plants his knee atop Xen's back, keeping her somewhat still. 

Tommy puts up a fight too, but the woman who asked about the horses bashes him over the head multiple times with a pistol. Xen thrashes harder against the people holding her.

Her hearts pounding wildly beneath her rib cage, her stomach aching and her cheek cold against the floor. She's facing Joel, and he groans like an animal as Tommy lies unconscious against the cold floor.

"Tommy," he groans through gritted teeth. He can't move, his kneecap blown off. Two people begin to drag him up, and Xen is frothing, yelling and screaming like a maddened person. Hell, she is crazy at just the sight of Joel being knocked around in such a way.

"Get off me!" He snarls weakly as they push him against the grand windows of the room. Abby stalks over, her teeth gritted as she bends down in front of Joel, gripping her shotgun tightly. Xen continues to buck against her captors. She can't form words, and she feels like she's gonna have a heart attack.

"Joel Miller," Abby seethes. "Who are you?" Joel growls. "Guess." Joel looks around the room, up at the men pinning him against the window, then back at Abby. "Why don't you say whatever speech you've got rehearsed and get this over with," he whispers, somehow finding it in him to smile cruelly up at her.

Abby rises to her feet, handing her gun to the man behind her. "Tourniquet his leg," she orders. The girl, Mel, stares at her questionably. "Do it," she chokes out again, trailing off into the corner.

Mel bends down in front of Joel, and follows Abby's orders. "God damn it!" He hisses at the white hot pain in his leg. Xen is gazing at him, and she almost doesn't believe that this is real. But she can feel her cheekbone bruising against the linoleum floor and can see Tommy unconscious in the corner, and she knows it's true, it's really happening.

He continues to groan louder than Xen's ever heard. He hadn't even cried out this way when he was impaled with a rod. "Joel," she hisses through gritted teeth, moving against her holders, but it's useless. "Clear out," Abby orders. The men let go of Joel, and the blonde man has the same shotgun trained on him.

Abby returns with a golf club. She's seething, crying and grimacing with fury. "You stupid old man," she growls, pointing the club at him. "You don't get to rush this," she mutters, shaking her blonde head. The people struggle to contain Xen as she moves wildly. "Fuck, no, no!" She screams as Abby raises the golf club.

She delivers the first blow to Joel's head. Many more arrive thereafter.

_______________________________

Ellie rides on horseback through the blizzard, routinely calling out for Xen, Tommy, and Joel. "Tommy! Xen! Joel!" She yells for the millionth time, frantically glancing around the snow covered landscape. Her eyes catch something different though. A large house, with warm orange lights, and she stops the horse.

"Shit," she whispers. Maybe they went there? Sought out shelter from the blizzard? Yes, hopefully. She hops off of her horse, Shimmer, and slides down beneath the tall pine trees. She runs forward, hopping down the snow coated rocks, her heart thumping wildly as she whispers to herself. "Please be okay."

She boosts herself onto another jagged cliff, and continues to call out for Xen, Joel, and Tommy. She sprints through the snow, climbing and hopping off of the rocky terrain. She runs down a stable hill, and reaches a wooden fence. A few planks are missing and she manages to squeeze herself through the space with a small grunt.

And there she is, behind the large, lit mansion. "There it is," she murmurs to herself, hopping down into the snowy yard. "Tommy? Joel? Xen?" She calls out, entering the sliding door, which is open. Her stomach turns.

That's... weird.

And as she descends further into the room, she can hear distant screams. And she knows who they belong to. Joel, who screams out first, and Xen always follows, crying and screaming for them to stop. And Ellie sprints through the door, and down the steps of the mansion.

Her mind is racing, her gun clutched tightly in her hand as her boots squeak against the hardwood floors. She loops around and enters the kitchen. The screams are closer, and Joel's are dying down while Xen's grow louder.

She turns into a room with a pair of steps, and runs down the creaky wooden stairs. There's a white door, and the screams are behind it. "Shit," she whispers shakily, aiming her gun forward and opening the door.

And she sees something that she won't ever forget.

Joel is slumped against the floor, a woman with a blonde braid beating him with a golf club. Xen lies across from him, screaming out hoarsely and sobbing. Ellie's never heard her beg before, not once, but now she does, in such a desperate, painful way as she's forced to watch Joel be beaten mercilessly.

Ellie bursts in, and a man immediately tackles her to the ground, but she wrestles away from him and tears her dagger across his cheek. He cries out and flails backwards. Someone else tackles Ellie to the ground. "Get her down!" A feminine voice yells from the other side of her. "Let go of me!" She growls. "Get her hands!"

"Get the fuck off me!" Her yelling is fruitless as the two people successfully pin her against the floor. "Ellie," Xen sobs breathlessly. Her thick curls hang in her face, but Ellie can see the way blood trickles from her nose and mouth.

The man who Ellie cut rushes over, kicking her repeatedly in the chest and face with his boot. His kicks are dizzying and she coughs dryly at the fresh pain in her ribs. A man restrains him. "You got her, ok!?" "You're gonna fucking die!" Ellie seethes up at the woman who beats Joel. 

"What's going on?" A man with blonde hair asks, entering the room suddenly and glancing at Ellie. "Let him go!" She yells, writhing against the arms that pin her down. "Who is that?" A woman with short brown hair asks. 

"She snuck in," another feminine voice responds tiredly. "Why aren't you posted up?" The blonde man asks sternly. "We didn't think anyone was going to show up here!" "The hell did you expect? We gotta get out of here before the whole town's on top of us," the man orders.

He faces the woman with the golf club. "You're done," he hisses. "You want what I want, right?" She seethes, leaning forward and gripping the golf club tightly. "End it. Now."

End it. No, no, it can't be. "Stop!" Xen garbles, and a man comes over, preparing to punch her stomach, but she bucks up with more strength than ever. "Stop! I'm pregnant!" The room stiffens slightly. In Joel's half conscious state, he moans in acknowledgment, his eyebrows furrowed as he begins to half heartedly thrash around. Abby swiftly kicks him in the side.

"Xen," he wheezes, spitting up blood. It's news, big news, but Ellie is barely listening as her ears ring sharply. "Joel, get up!" She cries, gasping for air. The woman with the golf club stares down at him. "No, we're taking him with us."

The blonde man scoffs, but the woman with short brown hair intervenes. "Fine, whatever Abby, let's just get out of here." "What about these three?" The women holding Ellie down asks, and a man with a short black ponytail and beard pulls out his gun, but the blonde man quickly blocks him from doing anything.

Ellie can't hear them, because her hearing is muffled as she sobs against the floor. She hasn't cried in years. The only sounds she can make out are Xen's sorrowful pleas. All the people in the room are arguing, presumably over what to do next. The man who Ellie cut lunges forward again, but the blonde man also stops him. Abby's chest is heaving as she drops the bloodied golf club.

A boot roughly smashes into Ellie's skull, and she's gone.


	5. a loverless bed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating in awhile. my junior year is slowly killing me while im working and cramming writing in the best i can lol. love you guys, stay safe.

"Xen?"

She can barely hear as she regains consciousness. The pain in her back and face is intense, her head throbbing horribly and her bad hip aching against the floor. She moans weakly in response as her vision fades in and out. She can make out a woman with black hair and tan skin kneeling in front of her.

She's the girl, the girl Ellie kissed.

"Jesse, they're down here!" She yells, and Xen stares forward shakily at Ellie. She's alive, sitting up slightly. Tommy is still unconscious, but his chest rises and falls. And Joel...

He's gone. They took him, she remembers.

The visions replay in her mind, the golf club, the blood, the way Joel would howl in pain with each agonizing blow, and the way he would scream even louder when they knocked Xen around. "No," she whispers, trying to get up but failing. She hears Jesse come in.

And she cries quietly against the bloodied floor.

________________________________

Xen lies idly in bed the day.

It's well into the night and the room is pitch black. Ellie lies beside her. She can feel the younger woman trembling every so often, silently sobbing into a pillow. Xen always reaches over and strokes her hair until her crying dissolves into a hard silence.

She can't even begin to digest the guilt for not being able to forgive him before he was taken, for not telling him in a different way that she was pregnant with his child, for letting him be taken. So much grief that she created.

"How long have you known that you're pregnant?" Ellie whispers hoarsely. Xen bites the inside of her cheek as her dark eyes grow watery. "Only a few weeks," she whispers back, resting her hand over her stomach. 

"I'm sorry." "It's ok."

There's a sudden knocking on the door. Xen sits up, and drags herself up onto her feet. It drains her of her last grains of energy to walk down the steps. Ellie follows after her. She shuffles to the front door, and pulls it open.

Tommy stands on the front porch, holding a box of food. "Hey," he rasps. Xen moves aside, inviting him in. He steps into the house, tracking snow on the dusty hardwood floor. He sits down on the couch, where Joel and Ellie would sit years ago while they watched movies.

Xen sits down alongside him, while Ellie stands in the center of the living room. Tommy sets the box on the coffee table. "Maria wants you make sure you two are eatin'." Ellie just sighs. "She can't stop us," she says, shaking her head of auburn hair. It's Tommy's turn to sigh.

"To have the guys we would need... to do this smart... we'd be leaving Jackson vulnerable," he explains quietly. Xen lies back, her hand pressed against her stomach for comfort. She wants to go after them, needs to get Joel back. But where do they begin? How do they even start to find these people?

She doesn't know, but they'll have to figure it out fast.

"So they just get away with this?" Ellie asks coldly, crossing her arms over her chest. Tommy laughs stiffly, and shakes his head. "Nobody wants that." "Yeah, but that's what's happening," she argues, clenching her jaw. "What if we get hit by hunters again?" Tommy asks, and Ellie scoffs. "Is this you talking or her?" Xen sighs. "Ellie, leave Maria out of this."

The room is silent for a moment as Ellie looks down, her chest heaving. Xen's eyes are shut and her back aches. "It's a valid point," Tommy argues, and Ellie rolls her eyes. "If it were you, or Xen, or me, Joel would be halfway to Seattle already," she hisses, pacing the room.

And the dreadful feeling in Xen's stomach festers like a crescendo.

Ellie notices as the older woman's lips form into a tight frown as she silently cries. And she begins to feel remorseful for another reason. "Shit, I'm sorry," she whispers, moving over and sitting beside Xen, who shakes her head, and wipes her eyes. "I'm just on edge. It's ok."

Tommy sighs, and rubs his scruffy cheek. "No he wouldn't." Ellie head snaps up, her eyebrows furrowing. "He absolutely fucking would be!" "We don't even know for certain that they're from Seattle!" Tommy bellows, and Ellie laughs dryly. "'Washington Liberation Front.' That's what you said was on those patches." "What if they stole those jackets?" Tommy challenges. Ellie stands up again.

"That's..." she begins, but is at a loss for words as she groans quietly. "What if the WLF moved?" "What are you doing?" She seethes, staring at him with widened eyes. They sit in silence for a few moments. Xen sniffles and sits back up. "I need to go get him," she murmurs with finality. Ellie nods in agreement.

"We're leaving tomorrow. And Tommy, if you want to come with us, great," Ellie says sternly, crossing her arms over her chest. Tommy's hardened eyes flicker between the two women. "You guys got no idea what you're walking into," he warns quietly. "You don't know how large that group is, how armed-" "I don't care."

"You can't talk us out of this," Xen whispers, facing Tommy. He sighs in defeat, and stares at his boots momentarily, before rising from the couch. He places his hands on his hips, staring the the living room wall with a stern look. "Just give me a day to talk to Maria. Gotta be some folk she can spare." "And if she won't budge?"

Tommy scoffs. "Well, I'll figure somethin' out."

He steps over towards Ellie slowly. "One day, please." Ellie stares down at the floor, and Xen sighs. "Fine. One day. But after that, we're taking off," she says from the couch. Tommy nods. "Alright." He then steps closer to Ellie, and pulls her into a short hug. She perches her chin atop his shoulder, her stern look crumbling into a grimace as she cries quietly.

Tommy pats her arm, and pulls away. Xen rises from the couch, and tenderly rubs the younger woman's back, and hugs Tommy with her free arm. "I need to talk to you, in private," she murmurs. He pulls away, and furrows his eyebrows. "Yeah... alright."

Ellie understands, and shuffles up the steps. Xen sighs, and glances up at Tommy. "I'm pregnant." He gazes at her, his grey eyes widening slightly. He clears his throat, and begins to pace the room like Ellie did.

"Is it..." she understands what he's trying to say and nods. "It's his." She figures he should know, considering the life form in her belly is related to him. "You can't go then," he argues, shaking his head. She scoffs. "Tommy, I'm only a couple weeks along at this point. I'll be-"

"You are carrying my niece or nephew in there, Xen. I ain't losin' you or anyone else!" He hisses. He's alluding to Sarah vaguely, and Xen sighs. "But you won't. I promise you," she whispers gently, and he scoffs. "The people out there Xen, they won't give a shit if you're pregnant, 'specially not the WLF," he argues, pointing out of the window.

"I can handle myself. Ellie will be there, Dina too. We'll manage just fine." Tommy places his hands on his hips, his eyes shimmering beneath a veil of tears. "You should leave, start talking to Maria about all this. And I can promise you that we'll leave, no matter what."

He says nothing, but extends his hand forward, and squeezes Xen's shoulder. She sighs, and shuts her eyes, patting his hand gently. She's tired, and sulks off towards the steps. As she looks up, she sees Ellie, sitting in front of the banister and listening in like a child.

She rises to her feet, and Xen slowly walks up the steps. "I'm gonna try and get some sleep," she murmurs, smiling halfheartedly. Ellie just nods and squeezes Xen's arm. "You should do that." She shuffles down the hall, passing Joel's workroom, and standing in front of his bedroom. His side of the bed is wrinkled and messy, while the blank other half is neat.

It's like he was waiting for her, but she never came around in time.

She muffles a hand over her mouth as she enters his bedroom, and bumps the door shut with her hip. A sob rips through her as she stumbles over to his closet, yanking open the door and grabbing his suede jacket.

She presses the thick fabric against her nose, desperately seeking out his warmth and scent. Sage and the smell of a bonfire linger on the jacket, his scent. She hugs the garment close to her chest, and sinks down against the floor, pretending that it's really him.

________________________________________

"Maria's got the stables locked down," Dina reports, and Xen sighs. "Fucking Tommy," Ellie scoffs, shaking her head. After he left the house, he took off in the middle of the night with his horse, to find Joel presumably.

"He's really fucked us over," Xen murmurs. "We'll figure something else out on the way, a car or a horse or something," Ellie says quietly. They walk through a snow coated Jackson, planning the final details of their escape. "You got your backpack?" Ellie asks Dina, who nods.

"Hid it by the East gates. Figured we'd wanna slip out that way." They walk up the steps of the house. People have left flowers, soft pastel petals littering the snowy lawn. Xen's stomach churns . They all think he's dead, but he's not. They'll find him. They have to.

"I'll grab your bag," Xen murmurs to Ellie as she opens the door to the house. She nods, and turns towards Dina, who reaches forward and tucks a strand of Ellie's auburn hair behind her ear. Xen steps inside the house and Dina and Ellie follow. She walks up the steps.

The floorboards creak beneath her boots as she walks down the hall, entering her own room. A painting she started right before Joel was taken sits idly on her canvas. She hadn't even painted on it, just sketched it out roughly. It's a portrait of Ellie. She remembers how she made the younger woman pose, how she kept moving and whining over it, while Joel silently watched them from the doorway, smiling.

Her heart aches with something profound, and she shuts her eyes, hugging her arms around herself. Joel's suede jacket keeps her warm, the collar tickling her jaw as she pushes away tears. She snatches up her backpack, and swiftly exits the room before she can do anything else.

Her footfalls are heavy against the steps as she also scoops up Ellie's bag, which is perched on the third step. She then loops around, and enters the dining room, letting out a breath as someone unexpected stands there.

Maria. Her face is stern as she glances at Xen. Ellie and Dina sit at the table, frowning like children who have just been lectured. The older woman holds a note tightly. 

"'Maria, I'm headed to Seattle. I wish I could let it go, but I can't. I have to find Joel, and bring these people to justice. Ellie and Xen will try to come after me, but stop them. Take their guns, lock up the horses, and maybe lock them up. Buy me some time so I can end this. Love you always, Tommy.'" She recites as she paces the room. As she finishes, she shuts the note and leans over the table.

"He's gonna get himself killed." She hisses, eying Ellie and Xen. "He should've taken us with him," Ellie murmurs, standing up and chewing the inside of her cheek. Maria seems perplexed as she stares down at the table.

"You should've given us a group to go after those fuckers!" She argues angrily, and Xen sighs. "Ellie," she warns sternly. The younger woman clenches her jaw, her gloved hands balled up in fists. She reminds Xen of herself, her own temper volatile and hot for many years. When she got to Jackson, that roaring flame in the pit of her belly dissipated into something smaller, but no matter how hard she tried, her fire could never fully be snuffed out.

The flame dwindles in her stomach always, and she's sure it'll grow larger on this trip.

"I wish I could," Maria says coldly, glancing at Ellie. "Are you gonna try and lock us up?" Ellie asks immediately. Maria sighs, and rubs her forehead in exasperation. "I prefer that you stay-" "that's not gonna fucking happen-"

Maria harshly cuts Ellie off this time. "I prefer that you stay, but I know you two better." Maria's cold eyes shift to Dina. "You going with them?" "Yeah," Dina answers with certainty. Maria straightens, and eyes Xen. "So you just gonna sneak outta here?" "Yeah."

"On foot?" Maria asks pointedly. Xen quirks an eyebrow. "You offering something different?" "I told the stable to let you two out with your horses," Maria says quietly, resting her hands on the table. "Grab some ammo too."

"Thank you, Maria," Dina says politely, nodding at the older woman. Maria straightens up, and glances out of the sweeping window of the dining room. "Just uh... do me a favor, and bring my dumbass husband home in one piece, please," she says. "Of course," Ellie whispers.

Maria loops around the table, standing close to Xen. "You got enough food? Tommy told me about the baby." Xen shudders at that word, but nods. "Yeah, yeah... I'll be ok," she murmurs, gratefully squeezing Maria's shoulder. She sighs, and steps back.

"Get going now, you're losing light."

She then leaves the dining room, and Ellie glances at Dina with something resembling uncertainty.

**Author's Note:**

> joel and xen being messy as hell who’s surprised? no one? yeah... i hope you all are enjoying this sequel so far and i hope you guys will continue to be invested in Joel and Xen’s story❤️


End file.
